Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.
There is an ocean between
The first time I said ‘I love you’
And the last time I meant it.
I left that word buried
In the sand of a shoreline I’ve never seen
And took some time for myself:
To turn my life into a book
That didn’t read like unfinished emails
And grocery lists full of all your favorite foods.
I spent days
Scrubbing your name out of the grout
That lines the bathtub,
Shaking your dust out of my shoes,
Relearning how to spell my name
Without the letters tangled on your tongue.
It must have been
Of waking up on your side of the bed,
And wondering where all this empty space came from.
I hope my teeth
Came tumbling out of your suitcase
The first time you said my name
To a friend in passing.
I hope I hung on like a remora
Until kissing her felt too much like
Sleepwalking down the stairs of our old apartment.
I hope bad dreams sent you out
To the beach
With a shovel and a good bottle of wine,
Digging through saltwater for proof
I ever even touched you.
While you go looking for that word,
I will be at home
In an apartment that looks nothing like you.
Drinking hot tea that tastes more like love
Than your mouth ever did.
And when you call at four in the morning,
Hands as empty as the bottle by your side,
I will be sleeping soundly,
For the first time
In a long time.